Situational Shadow

Everyone tells me self love is what I need 

And some days I do but other days it's not up to me 

I would if I could I keep doing all the steps 

But my self love is just an effect 

An effect of my situation 

wherever I am in life that day 

If my feelings we're up to me it wouldn't be that way 

I do what they tell me 

I look in the mirror and build myself up 

But when I look in my eyes

I know there just lies

So in my mind I deny and that feeling inside

JUST GOES AWAY

So I keep asking what can I do 

I really want to make my self love true 

I want to be able to look myself  in the mirror and not hate what I see

But the hatred I have inside runs in my veins deep 

All those scars I have been given

THEY DONT HEAL  

I find myself making more scars trying to cover up what I feel 

I forgot what truly loving yourself feels like 

Honestly I can't remember a time I truly did 

And I'm beginning to wonder if this is it 

Feeling myself once in awhile 

It's Rare but it's there 

If it wasn't for others voices telling me different

I would have gave up years ago 

Because I keep trying

but my self love stays a situational shadow